Gangrey.com

On Nut Grafs

Making the reader wait

This is a story I wrote, yes, and it was done on deadline, and I'm not even sure I dig it, but I'll throw it out there as a way to start a discussion I think is worth having here.

Here are some pieces of messages I got from colleagues after it ran:

hey, liked the Schafer story. holding the nut graf til near the end didn't bother me one bit. headline, subhed and cutline all give the reader that up front anyway. you gave that guy a damn good sendoff.

i don't know... i think it works. the headline takes care of the news, and you just gathered such great detail the reader couldn't help but hang on to the end.

interesting approach to the dead soldier story, which i'm still reading. great detail. figured you took a page from kelley's shiavo obit.

I do work where I work, of course -- the "Kelley" referenced is Kelley Benham, by the way -- and there's probably a better shot at seeing a story like this in the St. Petersburg Times than in any other paper in the country. Even the copy desk didn't have any complaints, for Goodness sake.

But ...

Does it work?

Do you think the reader's sitting over coffee, checking his watch, wondering what the hell is going on?

Should we write more stories this way?

I don't know. Just throwin' it out there.

Comments

Re: On Nut Grafs

For me, this is an obit. Not just a story about a dead soldier. And in a good obit about a good man, I think the writer should make an effort to remember the soldier the way he would want to be remembered - up high in the story. I think we had to wait too long to get a sense of what this man was all about. Headline and sub-head covered the overhyped nut graph, though. Good effort

Re: On Nut Grafs

So dead people like all the good stuff about them to be high up in the story so folks can stop reading about them before the end?

Re: On Nut Grafs

just giving my opinion, guess you didn't like it

Re: On Nut Grafs

That comma should be a period.

Re: On Nut Grafs

I don't know, Kruse. I'm going to have to go with this version: http://www.hernandotoday.com/news/MGBZLQ57OBE.html

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