Gangrey.com

On Nut Grafs

Making the reader wait

This is a story I wrote, yes, and it was done on deadline, and I'm not even sure I dig it, but I'll throw it out there as a way to start a discussion I think is worth having here.

Here are some pieces of messages I got from colleagues after it ran:

hey, liked the Schafer story. holding the nut graf til near the end didn't bother me one bit. headline, subhed and cutline all give the reader that up front anyway. you gave that guy a damn good sendoff.

i don't know... i think it works. the headline takes care of the news, and you just gathered such great detail the reader couldn't help but hang on to the end.

interesting approach to the dead soldier story, which i'm still reading. great detail. figured you took a page from kelley's shiavo obit.

I do work where I work, of course -- the "Kelley" referenced is Kelley Benham, by the way -- and there's probably a better shot at seeing a story like this in the St. Petersburg Times than in any other paper in the country. Even the copy desk didn't have any complaints, for Goodness sake.

But ...

Does it work?

Do you think the reader's sitting over coffee, checking his watch, wondering what the hell is going on?

Should we write more stories this way?

I don't know. Just throwin' it out there.

Comments

Re: On Nut Grafs

The nut graph is useful, but it's overused. It should be a way to tell a story, not THE way.

Does Dan Barry use a nut graph? He certainly has a single-sentence bolt that holds his stories together, but it's rarely delivered in the form of a "here's the story" paragraph.

I don't think there was a "nut graph" in yours. It worked for me. I agree with the person who said it sounded like Kelley.

I wonder: Is it possible to tell a story about a soldier's death without recreating the mother answering the door or getting a telephone call? Or is that the climax of the post-death drama we can't get around?

Re: On Nut Grafs

For me, this is an obit. Not just a story about a dead soldier. And in a good obit about a good man, I think the writer should make an effort to remember the soldier the way he would want to be remembered - up high in the story. I think we had to wait too long to get a sense of what this man was all about. Headline and sub-head covered the overhyped nut graph, though. Good effort

Re: On Nut Grafs

So dead people like all the good stuff about them to be high up in the story so folks can stop reading about them before the end?

Re: On Nut Grafs

just giving my opinion, guess you didn't like it

Re: On Nut Grafs

That comma should be a period.

Re: On Nut Grafs

I don't know, Kruse. I'm going to have to go with this version: http://www.hernandotoday.com/news/MGBZLQ57OBE.html

Gotta know WHY

Kruse ...

Our columnist in Memphis, as I've told you, is the King of WHY. His best columns -- even his mediocre ones -- grab hold of the reader and dares them not to find the topic/issue/subject/person relevant. He hammers me on this, when he edits -- WHY? Tell the reader why. Tell the reader why this is important. Do not assume because you have invested yourself in this person's story than anyone else will.

Sometimes it's a nutgraf. Sometimes it's not. But he always gives the reader some idea of where he's going. One of my alltime favorite stories, about how a 9year-old girl became a Grizzlies fan, was seriously wounded when my editor and I cut out some of the WHY -- against Geoff's advice -- for space considerations. For every reader who thought the story delightful, there were readers saying, What the hell? Why'd you devote so much space to a 9year old girl?

This is a long way of saying that while I think this story worked on so many levels (and your decision to go this route was both ambitious and brave), I did feel like you were stringing me along, stringing me along, stringing me along. I would like to have had an earlier summation, yes. You did a nice job of foreshadowing -- the Afghanistan, the MREs, etc. -- but I would have urged you to be more overt, even if it meant something unsubtle. Maybe, after the line about his mother's lasagna, something like (and this is hackery, but just to give an idea): What she wouldn't give to make another one? OR How could she have known then ....

All that said, a wonderful read and magnificent reporting. There is also the obvious point that by the pictures, headlines, captions, etc., the reader already knew the ending. Still, I did feel like I was being held over a gorge. Could've used some kind of bridge.

None

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