Gangrey.com

A Question

when do we help?

A friend is seeking advice: I've been reporting a story for three months about a woman with MS who is trying to get off her ventilator and breathe on her own. She hasn't made much progress with getting off the vent and after a hospital stay for five days for pneumonia she was feeling pretty down. I was with her this past Easter Sunday when she told me that the previous week she had essentially tried to kill herself by pulling out her vent and expecting herself to pass out. She also considered downing the entire bottle of her blood thinner meds, but decided against it because it would be painful and she said she was too much of a wimp.
I'm curious what other journalists would do in this instance. Would you feel the need to tell a relative if your subject threatens suicide or would you do nothing and wait to see what happens because afterall it's all part of the story and you can't get involved?

Dramatic situation, I know, but what do we do? If we weren't there to witness, this wouldn't be a story, but we are, and it is, so where do we take action?

Comments

Re: A Question

You're not a priest. Tell.

Re: A Question

One is a human being first, a journalist after that. If you are convinced telling a relative might save he life, your obligation is clear.

Re: A Question

Maybe I'm a bad person for the fact that I had to think about this one a while.

Re: A Question

My first impulse: tell someone. It's the "be a person" reaction. You can't let your subject kill herself, can you?

But my second impulse, I think, is more reflective: talk to her about it.

If you've been on the story for three months, and she's telling you about her attempts at suicide, you two must be pretty close.

By telling someone -- a relative, for instance -- you risk betraying this woman's trust. There is a reason she told you. It might be that she expects you'll keep it to yourself.

If you tell someone, you are imposing your perspective on this woman's actions. "This woman should not kill herself," you think to yourself. And then you tell her son.

What this woman wants, for herself, is lost.

Then again, this is coming from a guy who hasn't ever had to deal with a suicide in the family.

At best, what I've written might seem a little detached and, at worst, downright calous.

Note: If this looks like I'm advocating for suicide, I apologize. I'm not. But what is the threshold? Threatening suicide: tell someone. [insert less severe self-destructive activity here]: don't tell?

Re: A Question

Talk to her about why she wants to die. Maybe that talk convinces her to keep going. Maybe it doesn't. It's in the best interest of the story, though, to not have her kill herself. That's a shitty ending. (I'm so going to hell.) But the most interesting thing about this: "she said she was too much of a wimp. " I don't want to live. But I don't want to die. Now THAT is real.

Re: A Question

My gut says to tell someone immediately. Being a reporter does not exempt anyone from being a human being. What if you were working on some story and you saw, for example, a car blast through a red light and take aim at the person you were interviewing? You'd warn that person, or push him out of the way or something, right? I can't imagine any of us would just step aside and keep taking notes, then file something quick-like for the Web site.

On thinking for a moment though, and reading the comments here, maybe it would be OK to just talk, which is what it seems like this woman really wants. I'd probably seek advice from a suicide prevention expert first. It's a volatile subject and you don't want to inadvertently say the wrong thing. I know a great woman this reporter could chat with if she wants to e-mail me for contact info.

And yes Kruse, you are so going to hell. (but you are wrong about that ending. Death would be a great ending).

Re: A Question

I don't know what I'd do as a reporter or as a human.

I know I would talk to her about her thoughts. (But do I take notes? Is this on the record?) I know I'd ask why she's having these thoughts, and I would ask her if she's told anyone else about them. I know I would encourage her to tell her doctor about them, and probably have to talk to my editor about whether that needs to be noted somehow in the story since you've now become involved.

But what if she refuses to tell anyone else? Do you break her trust (and possibly prolong her life) by telling her doctor? Do you let her die on her terms (even if she may just be fighting depression and not REALLY want to die)? It's so tough.

I'm no help.

As a reader, I want to know more about the thoughts and rationale of someone who is so fed up with this disease. I want to understand. I want you to tell me. As a reporter, I don't know what the right thing to do is. As a human, I don't know what the right thing to do would be even if I wasn't writing a story. My uncle died of MS. If he told me he was going to kill himself, I don't know what I would have done.

Please keep us posted (and post your story when it does publish)

Re: A Question

"Suicide" is a word that can't be used lightly. Once you say that word, all bets are off.

If she's breathing thru a tracheostomy, "pulling out her vent" is very painful. She is serious.

The reporter has a clear and urgent obligation to tell the woman's family that she has attempted suicide.

Of course she should inform the woman of this and give her a chance to seek help herself. But if she won't, the reporter has to tell.

It doesn't matter what kind of story this is. That the woman is disabled doesn't matter. That she uses a ventilator doesn't matter. That doesn't make her suicidal ideations "reasonable" or mean that she should let her do "what she wants." Lots of people live happy lives on vents. Most disabled people are not suicidal, and it would be an atrocity to sit by while this woman takes her own life.

Suicide is an extremely destructive act. It has repercussions for generations in a family - I would equate its generational destructive power with child abuse. It's not something someone just does to themself. It's an assault inflicted on others, too.

Sure, it would an interesting story to watch and see if she kills herself. It would be an interesting story to hang out with a serial killer and watch him dispatch his victims. Some stories we can't get. Because we're human beings and ultimately we're all in this together. We all owe each other some basic considerations, above and beyond the reporter's non-interference. And this is one.

Re: A Question

MS isn't a disability; it's a death sentence.

Once you're in a hospital like she is, I believe, you don't have much longer to live. MS eats away at you. You don't recover. It is painful and psychologically destructive as you lose the ability to do things -- like sip a glass of orange juice -- that used to be easy.

Maybe it's the effect of a long process of trying to always be open minded and understand people's perspectives no matter how unreasonable they seem, but I would be afraid of asserting my values on her.

If it's a someone who is confined to a life on a vent after an accident, or a mentally ill person who's therapy and meds aren't working right, I tell immediately. That's the case. It's someone with a fatal disease who just wants to give up the fight. It's tough. Who am I to say you must keep fighting? Then again, who am I to let you die? Especially when I'm just some writer who wandered into your life to tell your story....

Re: A Question

Correction: I was basing my death sentence comment on my experiences with people who have the disease.

A little bit of research shows that the symptoms and end results can vary case to case. The severity of the cases I'm intimately familiar with are apparently on the extreme worst end of the disease. Goes to show where not fact-checking can lead you.

None

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